Kiss and Tell

Willow is having a bad day. To get her sister to stop harassing her, she agrees to play a silly game-but only once. When a muscular hunk walks past her, Willow's mouth waters and she knows she's found the perfect man to ask her embarrassing question.

Seth is shocked when a beautiful woman sits on his lap. He's amused when she begins asking him questions. But he's aroused when she kisses him. Taking her back to his home, he sinks his teeth into her-and is addicted. Imagine his surprise when he finds out she holds his life in the palm of her hands.

What's a vampire to do when the woman he needs for his survival runs screaming from him?
I was about sixty percent done with this book when I took a mental step back and tried to think of a word that would sum it all up. Sum up the game of Boxers or Briefs. Sum up a girl going home with a guy and not thinking twice when wakes up two days later. And sum up a story where a girl will go out to a movie theater wearing only a bra and a man's t-shirt.

And all I got was, STUPID.

Unbelievable in the worse sense of the word. Even when we're in their minds, reading their thoughts, urgh! No one thinks like that! Who says someone's actual name when they're thinking about the person sitting right in front of them. Not me. Not I. It's all pronouns, baby. He, she, it, they, we... get it?

The most, hell the *only* believable character is Jason, Seth's thirty year old human best friend. The guy wanted to talk business, drink, and then watch his tv.

Willow reached over and snatched the remote from Jason’s hand and turned the television off.
“I was watching that,” he whined. When her expression didn’t change, he sighed. “Well, he needs to want to bite you…” Jason hedged.
“Okay… Can you be a little more specific?”
“What I mean is he needs—he needs to…”
“Are you always this articulate?” Her sarcasm grew with her annoyance. This man had walked in while she was naked but for a sheet and laying in Seth’s bed—knew that she’d just performed some erotic deed with him—and still he acted modest around her.
“Are you always this much of a bitch?” he shot back.

Yes, yes she is.

Quietly, he took the chocolate and movies into the kitchen.
“Oh great, you remembered to pick up some chocolate. Do you think you bought enough?” Jason teased. “Wow, you got the good stuff.” Jason reached for a dark chocolate and raspberry candy bar. He shot Seth a dirty look when his hand was smacked away.
“You don’t get any.”
“Wow, you have it bad. Now, do you want to tell me what’s going on? Why were you…whatever you were, earlier? And why did you just leave as though someone were trying to kill you?”
“It’s a long story.” Seth sighed.
“You’re in luck, I have all night.” Jason leaned on the counter and eyed the heap of chocolate, but didn’t reach for any.
“Well I don’t. I need you to take Willow back home.”
“Just do it, Jason,” he said irritably.
“Nope, not until you tell me why. She deserves to know too. She took a big chance with you. She risked her life for you. She was really worried, Seth, and you just left without saying a word.”
“She shouldn’t worry about me. And you shouldn’t come by for a while. It’s going to be rough around here.”
“Well aren’t you Mr. Cryptic,” Jason huffed.
“You have been hanging around Willow entirely too much.” Seth had to fight the surge of jealousy he felt at the thought of his Willow being with some other man.
“Wow, you rented movies, too. What did you get?” Before Seth could stop him, Jason grabbed the DVDs and frowned. “You got Nightmare on Elm Street? Only you could go into a video store and get a movie that has been around forever. Why didn’t you get something newer?”
“I want to see this one,” Seth told him simply, taking the movie from his hand.
“And just what made you have this sudden burning desire to watch this movie? You always refused to let me watch it when it was on cable. You said something about television and movies being nothing but a waste of time and told me to go read a book.” Jason sulked. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to listen to you talk about the days when there was no television? How people were excited if they learned how to read, or could find a book—any book—to read? More times than any man should have to, I’ll tell you that. Damn. Did my history teachers love it when I had to spend time with you.”
“That was different. You were a child and your parents trusted me to keep you safe. And I wish to watch it now.”
“Why?” Jason wouldn’t seem to let the subject drop, he seemed determined to get an answer.
“I want to hear a rhyme. Does it matter?”
“Wow, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You’d think after waking up with a beautiful woman naked and lying across you, your temper would improve,” Jason grumbled. “But no, you have to go and act worse than you did when she avoided you.”
“That was different.” Just how many times would he be allowed to get away with using that phrase in this conversation? “And how did you know she was lying across me?”
“I looked in on you two—just to make sure you were both in one piece. How is it different now?” Jason returned to the previous subject.
“It just is. Look, just take her home. I’ll call you when it’s safe to come around me again.” His heart broke as he lied to his friend, knowing it was perhaps the last time he would ever see him.
“Fine. I’ll go. But there are two things I won’t be doing.” He grabbed the jacket he’d kept in Seth’s closet for emergencies and began to put it on. “First, I won’t be waiting by the phone for your call.” Jason walked over to the elevator. “And second, I won’t be taking her anywhere. You want her gone, you tell her. She damn well deserves to hear this from you after what happened last night. To quote what you always tell me, ‘It’s your mess. You clean it up’.”

Night's Promise better not be this bad. NP was actually the only one I wanted. But I saw this by the same author, and thought 'why not'. I'm never going to find a good vampire if I don't look for it.

Guess what? It's not here.

But I'm willing to lay credit where it's due. These, I liked.

“I didn’t say that. Sex does make the blood sweeter. Compare it to a milkshake. The excess adrenaline is the ice cream—sweet and creamy. The orgasm acts like the whipped cream and together they slide down your throat, refreshing you, making you glad you indulged. The more powerful the orgasm, the more intoxicating the blood is.”
“I really did not feel the need—or the desire—to know that. But thanks for sharing,” she spit out sarcastically. “I’m gonna be really mad if I can’t enjoy one of my favorite drinks anymore now that you’ve compared it to blood.”

“Wait a second, back up there, Fangy, did you just ask me to marry you?”
“I was wondering if you caught that.” He smiled.
“Hey, it took a few minutes to process it. I was more than a little distracted you know,” she threw back. Her voice became more gentle. “Did you mean it?”
“With all my heart.” He stared into her eyes.
“See, now look what you did. Now I’m gonna cry…” Tears of happiness welled up in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, we don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.” She knew he was trying his best to comfort her.
“Listen here tall, dark and toothy, if you take that proposal back I’m going to break every window in this apartment, rip down all the curtains and bake your ass in the sunlight.”
Seth chuckled. “Then I guess that means you want to marry me?”
“Yes I do, vamp-boy.” She snuggled into his chest.
“Vamp-boy, fangy, fang-boy, tall, dark and toothy, what’s next? Bloodsucker?” She knew from his tone that he was teasing her.
“I’m just trying to find a nickname I like…”


Redd(Neena) said...

*rotflmao & gasping 4air* The only thing i liked about it is the characters name is Willow. lol. I thought about reading it just cuz of that...

Now, I'm just lmao....heh..

you weren't too happy with it but the post was longer than the puma series...*chortles* that makes it even funnier..

Ragan said...

Hey! You're too fast. I added two more quotes.

What can I say? It pissed me off. Then made me laugh. Then pissed me off again.